a series of
and large defeats
and I am as
as any other
I have gotten
from there to
I spent five years watching my body form around your every word.
five years with your hand on my thigh in the car.
five years with your kiss like honey at the beach.
five years looking in the mirror and seeing your reflection behind me.
It took five minutes for you to tell me goodbye.
I have spent this year staring at the ceiling for inspiration.
this year kissing boys who wanted me to write them into a love poem.
this year hardly recognizing myself in the mirror.
this year eating cupcakes with orange juice at 5am.
truth is, I’m happy but sometimes even happy hurts.
It’s been one year and I look in the mirror
and see a stranger’s hands wrapped around my waist.
It’s been one year and instead of seeing your ghost next to me,
I see the shadow of the first guy I slept with after you left.
I’ve spent one year watching my body slender and spiral
around boys who say my name tastes like strawberries.
I’ve spent one year feeling winter like a bittersweet dagger.
I’ve spent one year feeling free
but my chain still drags behind me.
It’s been one year and when someone asks me how I am
“tired,” I say.